this

to do these things to me,
it's policy.

while in ecstasy of celebration
for the achievement of mislead judgment,
but ecstasy nonetheless,
rent-a-cop at door
finds beer.
possible probation.

in deep buzz we share complaints
in a circle.
finding we agree- it's bullshit lame.
to say it fancy- unjust.

it's times like these i feel convictions,
daydreaming myself into a courtroom,
confidently prepared,
with smirk.

the fire in my stomach,
it holds a flame to the jittery uneasiness
i feel there too.
i attempt to cremate that which is not yet dead
but instead has just been awakened.

judiciary hearing?
i'm not sure how it will go.
strangely, i don't care.
it's not me to say this,
but with expulsion,
the harshest of words,
does not weaken my knees.

what a boring life i have lived,
confined in small division.
to travel the country, the world,
would be a dream.
to be alone throughout
and ascertain life, independently.

and what is the significance
of state-funded lectures,
and mislead clubs,
and unamusing gatherings
on couches,
and health-promoting handouts,
and mobs of drunks with synchronized colors,
and interesting people to talk about once,
or twice,
and attractive people to talk about once,
or twice,
and busses to ride
to get to undesired places,
and food to fill
an undesiring stomach,
and surging waves of academic apathy,
steadily issuing unconfessed superiority?

i walk steep hills
to get to places i don't want to be.
why is this?
family tradition?
is it for future success?
all shit excuses,
unappeasing to the waves
which have been gentle,
mostly,
except for now,
when they rage.

i should pretend interest
for writing bullshit essays
about bullshit chapters
in bullshit books
for bullshit classes
because one moustached white-haired professor
gives bullshit excuses for why its not such.

i hate it here.
a sister then brother both voyaged off,
adjourning connection to me,
delighting in the parades of milk and honey,
they were distracted.
then here i come,
and slowly realize
that not even a diamond could sparkle here
even on the brightest day.
but i'll be patient,
and i'll wait for a sparkle
with colors i've never seen before.